


I Care

by Cate_32



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, Hair Washing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, mentions of - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15860985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cate_32/pseuds/Cate_32
Summary: After a full moon, Remus and Sirius attempt to comfort each other.





	I Care

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shadow_prince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_prince/gifts).



Remus heard the door to the dorm room open and close quietly. Footsteps shuffled towards his bed where he lay with the curtains drawn, trying his best to shut out the world. 

“Hey Sleeping Beauty, wake up”

Sirius chuckled as Remus groaned loudly and pulled a pillow over his head. The bed dipped as Sirius sat beside him, placing a tray of food down next to him.

“Come on, I’ve got breakfast!" 

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus shook his head dramatically and buried deeper under the pillow. 

"Eat, or I’ll take you back to the hospital wing myself!" 

Sirius teased. The full moon had been the night before and with the help of his friends, Remus had survived the night with only a few minor cuts and bruises. After Madam Pomfrey had checked him over, he had begged to sleep off the pain in his own bed. She had begrudgingly agreed, but insisted that James, Sirius and Peter check on him regularly and made sure he ate.

Sirius sat patiently as Remus slowly pulled himself up to an almost seated position. Remus hissed through gritted teeth as his muscles protested at the movement, reminding him of the pain of the night before. Picking up a slice of buttered toast, while sticking his little finger out in an exaggerated manner, Sirius held the food to Remus’ mouth.

"Bugger off!" 

Remus swotted Sirius’ hand away playfully.

"I can feed myself you little git!”

Remus’ tired eyes finally focused on Sirius as he let out a laugh. Remus nearly chocked on his toast, causing him to cough and splutter.

“What the hell Sirius!? You went to breakfast looking like that?!”  
  
Sirius’ long hair, which always looked annoyingly perfect to Remus, was a mess. It was curled, knotted and seemed about twice its normal size. Most of it hanging over half of his face. Remus smiled to himself as he reached forward and pulled a leaf from the tangled mess.  
  
An emotion unknown to Remus flitted over Sirius face before it was quickly replaced by a dazzling cocky smile.

_No man should look that good when he smiles._

Remus quickly pushed the thought aside.  
  
“I didn’t have time to clean up Moony. It was a busy night, in case you’ve forgotten" 

Sirius playfully winked at him and Remus was momentary distracted by the heat rushing to his cheeks.

"Pads, the word mess does not begin to cover this…" 

Remus waved his hand gesturing towards the mess off hair while Sirius chuckled.

Whether it was because he was exhausted and couldn’t stop himself. Or maybe he was just seeking comfort himself after the full moon, Remus reached forward to brush the hair from Sirius face. The gesture felt strangely intimate. Sirius was always the one to initiate any contact between them. He was naturally very tactile with his friends. Remus would hold back as much as possible, not wanting to admit his feelings for Sirius, even to himself.

Sirius quickly reached up and grabbed Remus by the wrist, holding him immobile. Remus startled, Sirius had never reacted like this to him. Before Remus could begin to panic Sirius sighed and seemed to deflate.

"It’s nothing to worry about Moons, okay? We were just play fighting last night and things got a bit… well..”

Sirius lowered their hands and them proceeded to move his hair from his face. A large colorful bruise ran along one side of Sirius’ forehead, disappearing into his hair line. The skin in the center had already began to turn black, mixed with deep shades of blue and red. To Remus’ horror, dried blood seemed to mat his hair.  
Alarm pulsed through Remus’ entire body. 

_No! What have I done!?_

Before he knew how, he was standing, pacing the dorm room frantically, unable to control his breathing. His body was screaming out, protesting against the movement, but Remus hardly felt it. He couldn’t breath, couldn’t focus. His mind racing and blurring at the same time. The room felt far away and hazy as he painfully tried to rake air into sore lungs.

“Remus! REMUS!”

The strong deep voice cut through the fog. Soft but strong hands held both of his upper arms. The pressure hurt his muscles but he used the pain to ground himself. Concentrating on the weight of them as he slowed his breathing. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but Sirius didn’t rush him. They stood facing each other, Sirius being the solid and stable support that Remus needed, without him even having to ask. Some how Sirius always knew what Remus needed.

“I’m sorry”

It wasn’t more than a whisper. Remus wasn’t even sure that he had managed to speak it aloud. Then Sirius’ hands tightened slightly around his arms, accepting the apology. Remus hung his head in shame. Not only had he hurt his friend, he was now having to be comforted by that friend.

“Siri.." 

"Remus, don’t" 

Sirius spoke softly, as if scared to startle him.

"I promise you. It was play. We were only fooling around.”

Remus felt an ache in his chest that he couldn’t quiet describe. He reached a shaking hand slowly towards the bruise. He heard Sirius’ breath hitch as he gently moved his hair out of the way, finger tips barely touching skin. Remus paused for a moment, suddenly feeling inexplicably nervous. He couldn’t read Sirius’ expression as he looked back at him through heavy eyes. Heat pooled in his stomach as Sirius lips parted almost involuntary and a small gasp escaped his lips.

_Pull it together Remus!_

Coughing awkwardly Remus backed away, he was sure that he had made a fool of himself. 

“Sirius, thank you.”

Remus tried to put as much feeling and appreciation into those three words as he possibly could. Sirius smiled his cocky smile again, although Remus noticed that his pale cheeks now had a little more color.

“No probs Moony, whata friends for!?” Sirius beamed.

_Just friends._

 

“At least let me clean you up a bit, you really can’t go out looking like that!”

Sirius barked out a laugh, relief flooding his body. He had been worried about how Remus would react. He knew Remus would panic, but when James had offered to take the breakfast instead of him, Sirius had found himself insisting that he did it. He had to see Moony again with his own eyes, check that he was definitely okay. Sirius didn’t want to admit it, but he was finding it harder to leave Remus after the full moons. In the days that followed, Sirius would look for any excuse just to be with him.

Remus now crossed the room and began to pull out one of the desk chairs. Sirius quirked a questioning brow as Remus struggled to drag it past him. The normally strong boy now exhausted from the transformation.

“You could help you know”

Smirking, Sirius grabbed the chair with ease and jokingly lifted it over his head.  Remus’ eyes briefly glanced down to the skin exposed just below the band of his tee shirt. Eyes widening slightly and cheeks flushing, Remus began looking anywhere but directly at him. Sirius heart began to beat faster.  
  
_He’s just your friend. He doesn’t see you like that._

“Put it against the sink." 

Remus directed to the small bathroom joining the dorm. Sirius did as he was asked. As Remus followed him into the bathroom, he suddenly became aware of how small the space was. Both tall boys had to carefully maneuver around each other, Sirius careful not to bump into Remus and cause him more pain.   
A smug grin spread over Remus’ tired face and Sirius was momentarily breathless. 

_No man should look that good when he smiles._

"Sit!”

Sirius mouth dropped open at the command.

“You absolute git!”

Remus just laughed as Sirius sat himself down on the chair. If James or Peter had made that joke they would have gotten a punch to the arm but Sirius loved to hear Remus laugh.

Sirius stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles and lent back on the chair. The exhaustion from the night before began to set in but his body jumped awake when he felt Remus hands on him. Remus gently pulled his shoulders so that the chair slowly tilted onto its back legs and Sirius felt his head resting on a towel Remus must have placed on the edge of the sink.

Sirius wanted to question what Remus was doing, but no words formed from his lips. Sirius kept himself as still as he could, this moment felt almost too fragile. Like any moment now it would shatter. Remus began to pull Sirius’ hair back from his face. Sirius could barely feel it, if it wasn’t for the movement of his hair, he would have sworn this wasn’t really happening at all. Remus’ fingertips brushed lightly over the back of his neck and his pulse jumped at the touch. Remus had never touched him like this before. Sirius wanted more.

Remus turned on both taps until they were warm and then proceeded to wet Sirius’ hair with a wash jug. There was a sharp bite of pain as the water ran over the graze at his hair line. Sirius couldn’t help but hiss through his teeth. Remus stopped immediately, placing a concerned hand on Sirius upper cheat to make sure he didn’t tip the chair over.

“You okay Pads? Want me to stop?”

Sirius felt a rush of panic, although it wasn’t because of the pain.

“No… Please" 

The plea was almost a whisper as Sirius felt his body ache with need. He needed Remus, needed to be touched. Remus removed his hands entirely and Sirius heart sank. 

_You idiot, what kind of friend pleads for that!?_

Before he could let the thought take over, Sirius felt Remus hands run through his hair. A smell Sirius recognized engulfed the room as Remus began to wash his hair. The smell was familiar and comforting, Sirius body began to tingle.

_Fuck, it smells of him._

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to calm his heart rate. The smell washed over him, reminding him of the forest, log fires and winter. His whole body felt alive as Remus applied just the right amount of pressure, running his fingertips slowly from the crown of Sirius head and down. To his horror, Sirius had to place his hands over his lap as he strained against his jeans. 

_He wanted Remus…_

The realization hit him hard, causing his eyes to fly open and panic to set in. This was bad, he knew Remus would never look at him in that way.

_Christ, he’s one of your best mates! He’s like family._

Family. The word rang in his ears, images of his blood family flashing before his eyes. Not one of them had ever cared for him like this. Sirius had never had his hair washed by anyone before, he’d been left to fend for himself. And now he’d found a friend that actually cared enough to do this for him and he was going to ruin it with his improper thoughts.

_Don’t you dare fucking cry!_

Sirius felt a thrill of terror run through him at the thought of breaking down in front of Remus. He was struggling to stop the images of his past flashing unwelcome through his mind. Sirius could feel the pain his parents had inflicted, as strong as it had been when it was happening.

 

"Pads?”

Just as he’d finished rinsing Sirius’ hair, Remus noticed the sudden change in Sirius’ demeanor. He went from relaxed and even a little flushed, to his entire body going ridged. His fists now clenched so hard the knuckles where white.

_Shit! You’ve went to far. He knows._

When he didn’t answer, Remus took a deep breath and faced him. Panic and worry set in as he saw Sirius. He still wasn’t moving, sweat covering his brow and his eyes staring straight ahead.

“Sirius?" 

He reached a hand forward, gently brushing Sirius forearm. At the touch Sirius jumped and lashed out. Swinging his arm forward as he jumped to his feet, the chair clattering loudly against the tiled floor. Remus barely managed to jump out of the way, his back hitting the wall of the small bathroom. Sirius looked wild and distressed, eyes scanning around the room in a confused panic. 

Remus didn’t understand what was happening, but he knew his friend needed his help. The only time Remus had seen him like this before was after a nightmare. Calming his own breathing, Remus took a slow step towards Sirius, holding his hands where Sirius would be able to see them.

"Sirius." 

Remus kept his voice low but steady. 

"Sirius, you’re okay. It’s me, I’m here. You’re safe.”

At his words Sirius glanced up, his glazed eyes suddenly focusing on Remus’ face.

“…Remus" 

Remus rushed forward to catch Sirius as he broke, falling to his knees against the hard floor, tears falling freely. Remus held Sirius against his body. One arm wrapped around his back to steady him and the other in his hair, cradling the back of his head as Sirius sobbed into his neck. 

Remus wasn’t sure how long they stayed tangled on the floor like that, he didn’t want to rush Sirius so just held him. Finally, Sirius' sobs became quiet and his breathing began to slow. Both boys pulled away slightly to look at each other, but their legs remained wrapped together as they stayed sat on the cold floor. 

"You… James and Peter are… family…" 

Sirius’ words were coming out disjointed and Remus could hardly make them out. Not wanting to interrupt, Remus remained quiet. He reached between them in search of Sirius’ hand. Relief flooded him when Sirius took his hand in his. 

"But my family… they didn’t… they never… cared”

Remus heart broke a his words. He knew about the Black family and how Sirius childhood had been. Sirius had confided in him and James after he began having nightmares in the dorm room they shared. But Remus was sure that they would never know the full extent of what actually happened behind closed doors at Grimmauld Place.  He would never understand how anyone could not care for Sirius.

“No ones… ever…”

Sirius gestured to his hair and let out an awkward huff of air as another tear rolled down his cheek. Remus suddenly understood, cursing himself for putting Sirius in this situation. 

“Sirius, I.." 

_I care. I will always care._

"We should probably get off the floor" 

Sirius interrupted and attempted a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Remus nodded, his words remaining unspoken. They both stood although Remus noticed that Sirius would’t let go of his hand.

Reaching his other hand forward to Sirius cheek, Remus made eye contact with Sirius, silently asking for permission. Sirius nodded his head slightly and Remus reached forward, cupping Sirius’ jaw line. Sirius leaned his face into his touch as Remus gently wiped away a tear with his thumb. Both boys took a small step forward, closing the gap between them until they almost touching. Remus looked down, taking in Sirius’ face.

_He still looks beautiful._

Sirius looked up at him, making eye contact with honest and teary eyes. The color was beginning to come back into his pale face, cheeks flushing red. Remus moved his thumb slowly across his cheekbone and watched as Sirius lips parted and his expression changed. Remus closed his eyes as he felt Sirius’  hot breath travelling down his wrist. His eyes flew open as Sirius turned his head slightly and placed a single gentle kiss against Remus’ palm.  

Remus forgot how to breath. Sirius took another small step closer to him so that their bodies where now just touching. As Sirius looked up as him, Remus bent his head, placing a his lips against the side of Sirius forehead. He heard Sirius’ sharp intake of breath and heat spread through his entire body. Remus had no idea how long they stood there, foreheads together, eyes taking in every detail of each others faces, hot breath mixing together. Remus was desperate to kiss him, to feel his lips on his but something held him back.

_‘Friends’_

The tip of Sirius’ tongue darted over his parted lips, leaving a slight sheen. Remus heart leap into his throat and he pushed his forehead slightly more towards Sirius’. The corners of Sirius’ lips twitched up in answer and Remus watched as Sirius bit his own bottom lip.

_Oh Fuck it!_

Remus brought their mouths together with extreme force. Sirius crashed their bodies together, holding onto Remus as if afraid to let go. Remus moved his hands frantically over Sirius; his back, hips, shoulders, arms, hair, he couldn’t get enough. Sirius reached up and wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck desperate to pull him even closer. A moan escaped from Sirius as Remus sucked on his bottom lip. Remus mind went into a haze, he needed to hear that again. He slowed the kiss slightly, pulling and then biting Sirius’ bottom lip. Sirius moaned louder and was rewarded with a growl from Remus as he deepened the kiss.

 

James burst through the door followed by a tired looking Peter. Luckily for Remus and Sirius, James had never been quiet and they had just enough time to get to separate ends of the room before they were interrupted. James halted in the middle of the dorm, looking between the two of them. Both were trying to control their breathing and look normal. Both were failing miserably. A large grin spread across James’ face.

"Sir Moony, Padfoot, it’s about time!”

“What is?”

A confused Peter asked as he looked between the three of them.

 

Once everyone had fallen asleep, Remus lay awake running through everything that had happened that day. He couldn’t tell if his body ached because of the transformation or with his need to kiss Sirius again.

_What happened now? What if Sirius thought it was a mistake?_

Before the panic set in, Remus felt his covers being pulled back and the bed dip as Sirius climbed in beside him. Before Remus could ask any of his many questions, Sirius pressed his body against his, carefully placing a soft kiss to his lips. No more words were necessary. Wrapped up in each others arms they were both safe from the world. They finally feel asleep hours later with their lips still  pressed together. Holding each other so close that their breathing synchronized and they could feel each others heartbeats in their toes.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I have written and I'm dyslexic, so I apologize for any mistake!
> 
> I've dedicated this to shadow_prince  
> They are extremely talented and their writing style is beautiful. They inspired me to finally give writing a go. I would highly recommend you check out their work!
> 
> If you like this little story please comment.  
> Thanks,  
> Cate x


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